How to be a Real Geologist

LESSON 1. ACT LIKE A REAL GEOLOGIST

Real Geologists...

• don't eat quiche. They don't even know what it is. Real geologists like raw meat and tonsil-killer chili.
  
• don't need rock hammers. They break samples off with their bare hands.
  
• don't sit in offices. Being indoors drives them crazy. If they'd wanted to sit in offices they'd have become geophysicists. ( orang sebelah i la tu, heeh)
  
• don't need geophysics. Geophysicists measure things nobody can see or feel, make up a whole lot of numbers about them, then drill in the wrong places.
  
• don't go to meetings, except to point at a map and say "DRILL HERE" and leave.
  don't work 9 to 5. If any real geologists are around at 9am it's because they're going to a meeting to tell the managers where to drill.
  
• don't like managers. Managers are a necessary evil, for dealing with bozos from Human Resources, beancounters from Accounting and other mental defectives.
  
• don't make exploration budgets. Nervous managers make exploration budgets. Only insecure mama's boys try to stay within exploration budgets. Real geologists ignore exploration budgets.
  
• don't use compasses. That smacks of geophysics. Real geologists always know exactly where they are, and the direction of the nearest place where food is available.
  
• don't make maps. Maps are for novices, the forgetful, managers and pansies who like to play with coloured pencils. A real geologist will only draw a map to show the ill-informed managers where to drill. ( whoops!)
  
• don't write reports. Bureaucrats write reports, and look what they're like.
  
• don't have joint venture partners. Partners are for wimpy bedwetters who are unable to think big.
  
• don't use computers. Computers are for geophysicists, other nerds and limp-wristed quiche eaters who can't think for themselves.
  

by J. Garter from Geolog v. 19, pt 4, Sept/Oct 1990.

* am i in trouble? gasp!