Pheww..I am so glad I did not make it to the US this time, as originally planned.
Abang Pa called from Taipei and guess what?! The MH 94 flight to LA was delayed for 4 hours.
To think that the connecting flight to St. Louis is due in 3 hours after they landed in LA?! heee....ngerii.later found out that instead of the direct American Airlines 768 to St Louis, they were routed to Chicago, boarding at 10.40pm 21st March, touch down at 4.50am, then on board to St Louis at 6.50am, arrival at 8 am, 22nd March. Can't imagine if I'm on that flight, on and off, on and off, with emak, and Lutfil (9 month-old baby), aiiyoh..
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
bukan sekarang
The trip is postponed to May, when DH is back for his 20 off-days . Abang Pa and kak Jun, however are busy packing their stuffs for their trip tomorrow. Good Luck, you two! Just a little reminder: do not wear a belt unless you are willing to take it off, when you are asked to do so, wear a selipar jepun, they might ask you to take your shoes off (lagi senang, apa..), no liquids/gels, whatsoever, only bring clothes that you WILL wear, not you think you'll need to wear 'in-case' of anything happens..". Hmm remember the spanish prover: "On a long journey, even a straw weighs heavy"..how true! uhh..I hope I wil remember this when it's time for me and Emak bermusafir soon.
oh ya, i love the cartoons I posted above..
One of them reminds me of mama22beas, who's specialization is in karst geomorphology (limestone fm, gua batu kapur,etc), and who also is pregnant with her 4th child, after the 3 girls she had. This time, it's gonna be a boy! hmm..I have 3 boys, so when is the girl coming??!!
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
bittersweet and a bit sour..
yang and monah
yang gemma and monahThe last 2 days saw me in not quite a normal state of mind.
I have made my mind that ‘No’, I’m not going.
But my conversation with Emak last Sunday was something that I couldn’t just ignored or forget. I imagined if I was on the phone, talking to Yang, how would I feel hearing him crying at the other end, would I be able to say things that comforted him, or would I just keep quiet, or do I sob, too? I have heard from many people that taking care of sick people, people with citical illinesses, requires
patience, lots and lots of it. It wasn’t easy listening to Emak’s strory as what told by Yang to her. I can say I understand Yang Gemma and how she feels, but actually I didn’t. I do not know how painful it, is going through chemptheraphy, and later foound out that your body cannot stand it, and in the end, you need to take oral medication to replace it. How painful it is , not being able to stand on your own and be the strong woman, she was once ( she is still strong , ar very determined one, I know). She was once a popular and respected teacher, once made her name in the Who’s Who list in her field. Her figure may be small, but her dreams and her achievements were big. She quit teaching, and decided that she wanted to stay at home and taught her own daughter to master
the subject/world that she knows best: world of mathematics.
She became her daughter’s chaeffeur, driving her here and there, from soccer ( yes, her daughter plays soccer), to violin class, to karate class, to Russian language class, everywhere). I once accompanied my sister to a private clinic that was referrred to her by her student’s parents (both are also medical doctors).
The nurse was not very interested in seeing us, just gave my sister a brief glimpse, and then proceeded with the formal /standard questions, till she asked about who referred her there and so forth.
Upon hearing that she was once a lecturer, and now a private high school teacher at that particular school, I saw her expressions changed. I swear that her eyes brighten up, she looked down ( the nurse, is of of course tall, very, very tall, and my sister is very very small) on my sister, and as if she hadn’t seen her before, she again looked, but with a different perception, I guess. I think she was so impressed to learn that this tiny woman is the one that has been talked so much among the parents whose children won some mathematics quizzes at the national level. I was so proud of her.
When I was in uni, she would send me boxes of books (novels, encyclpedia) from US, and she would even write captions/descriptions for the photos she sent me. Also, she made me a subscriber to national Geography magazine, I miskin masa tu, mana ada duit rm100 nak subscribe, heheh..
She even renewed it for a year after that.
Well, of course, the 2 trips I made to the US previously was made possible by her. Oh, and all my decent clothes ( blouses, jeans, slacks, boots) were bought while I was there and it last until I graduated , I think.
if not because I gained some meat later on in life, I would have worn all the clothes till now, I guess..
I didn’t even realized that she had bought me all the branded stuffs, even I myself wouldn’t have bought for me, now. I mean, I would not spend rm400 on a pair of jeans, or USD125 on a pants from Liz Clairborne. So, if you see me wearing a levi, or Calvin Klein, Rockport boots, or T-shirts, or a Liz Clairborne, it’s not from my pocket money. All were sponsored!
I had the ‘best’est time of my life travelling across the US too. I didn’t study there, though some of my friends thought I did. I studied in the UM of KL.
The first trip was with my parents and younger sister and started from the West Coast, cross-country all the way from LA,Ca to Festus, Missouri. My parents got to the southern part, and then to Orlando in Miami, crossing the other states like South Dakota, etc. I didn’t get to see Mt. Rusmore, isk, isk.
I came back earlier cause it was time to register for the Asasi Sains Hayat in UM on late June 1992.
I have made my mind that ‘No’, I’m not going.
But my conversation with Emak last Sunday was something that I couldn’t just ignored or forget. I imagined if I was on the phone, talking to Yang, how would I feel hearing him crying at the other end, would I be able to say things that comforted him, or would I just keep quiet, or do I sob, too? I have heard from many people that taking care of sick people, people with citical illinesses, requires
patience, lots and lots of it. It wasn’t easy listening to Emak’s strory as what told by Yang to her. I can say I understand Yang Gemma and how she feels, but actually I didn’t. I do not know how painful it, is going through chemptheraphy, and later foound out that your body cannot stand it, and in the end, you need to take oral medication to replace it. How painful it is , not being able to stand on your own and be the strong woman, she was once ( she is still strong , ar very determined one, I know). She was once a popular and respected teacher, once made her name in the Who’s Who list in her field. Her figure may be small, but her dreams and her achievements were big. She quit teaching, and decided that she wanted to stay at home and taught her own daughter to master
the subject/world that she knows best: world of mathematics.
She became her daughter’s chaeffeur, driving her here and there, from soccer ( yes, her daughter plays soccer), to violin class, to karate class, to Russian language class, everywhere). I once accompanied my sister to a private clinic that was referrred to her by her student’s parents (both are also medical doctors).
The nurse was not very interested in seeing us, just gave my sister a brief glimpse, and then proceeded with the formal /standard questions, till she asked about who referred her there and so forth.
Upon hearing that she was once a lecturer, and now a private high school teacher at that particular school, I saw her expressions changed. I swear that her eyes brighten up, she looked down ( the nurse, is of of course tall, very, very tall, and my sister is very very small) on my sister, and as if she hadn’t seen her before, she again looked, but with a different perception, I guess. I think she was so impressed to learn that this tiny woman is the one that has been talked so much among the parents whose children won some mathematics quizzes at the national level. I was so proud of her.
When I was in uni, she would send me boxes of books (novels, encyclpedia) from US, and she would even write captions/descriptions for the photos she sent me. Also, she made me a subscriber to national Geography magazine, I miskin masa tu, mana ada duit rm100 nak subscribe, heheh..
She even renewed it for a year after that.
Well, of course, the 2 trips I made to the US previously was made possible by her. Oh, and all my decent clothes ( blouses, jeans, slacks, boots) were bought while I was there and it last until I graduated , I think.
if not because I gained some meat later on in life, I would have worn all the clothes till now, I guess..
I didn’t even realized that she had bought me all the branded stuffs, even I myself wouldn’t have bought for me, now. I mean, I would not spend rm400 on a pair of jeans, or USD125 on a pants from Liz Clairborne. So, if you see me wearing a levi, or Calvin Klein, Rockport boots, or T-shirts, or a Liz Clairborne, it’s not from my pocket money. All were sponsored!
I had the ‘best’est time of my life travelling across the US too. I didn’t study there, though some of my friends thought I did. I studied in the UM of KL.
The first trip was with my parents and younger sister and started from the West Coast, cross-country all the way from LA,Ca to Festus, Missouri. My parents got to the southern part, and then to Orlando in Miami, crossing the other states like South Dakota, etc. I didn’t get to see Mt. Rusmore, isk, isk.
I came back earlier cause it was time to register for the Asasi Sains Hayat in UM on late June 1992.
the 3 of usThe 2nd time I was there, n a special assignment. She was scheduled for operation to remove her fibroid, and not long after that, we travelled from the mid-west to the east part of the country. It was great to see the Appalachian mountain ranges in the Pennsylvania ( among other things like the Statue of Liberty, United nation, and yes, the World Trade Centre!).
I would also remember following my bother to St Louis and Chicago spices dealer, and bigger oriental outlets there, for supplies of ketchup, japanese tofu, noodles, all sorts of nuts/spices for the indians, bermacam breads for the middle-eastern, even belacan, jalapeno, instant noodles, milo(from Thailand), even Hindi and Korean movie video tapes ( zaman tu tak famous lagi vcd nih..). It was back in 1996.
it was fun, but it was also an eye-opening experience. I knew then that it wasn’t easy for my brother making money. There he was using all his kudrat, lifting all sorts of things, smelling like spices plus belacan, all alone, driving his pick up truck to his grocery store which is like 3-hour drive from their home almost everyday. He has one or two assistants in the shops, they are only part timer. He had been cheated before , by people who also came from the nusantara, where this lady’s husband used her key to ‘break-in ‘ and stole the money. She knew but didn’t do anything. The husband then later caught by the police.
I once heard my brother told someone we met at a shop in Chicago:” My brothers are smartly dressed and they work from 8-5pm. And here I am, working like a dog”. I pity him. He has a degree in accountancy ( he studied in the US, that’s why he was there in the first place), and later did his MBA . It’s just that the economy was so bad in 1997 and he made a choice to stay in the US, and runs a grocery store. I just knew that eventhough it’s not easy for him, at least that ‘s what he wanted to do, and he is satisfied with his little store.
errkk..this is my longest post, yikess..i don’t even think I have the time to edit, so I’m just going to post this..
Tuesday, March 6, 2007
since the last goodbye..
Emak isn't so pleased that I have to cancel my trip to the US. Apart from the fact that
the tickets for myself and Lutfil have been bought, and it's not refundable, (fixed tickets, bought during Matta Fair late last year), maybe she feels more confortable having me to take care of her. Well, my first brother (Abang Pa) and his wife are also going there, but it's not the same as having your own daughter with you, I guess. I just assured her everything will be okay, and having just Abang Pa and wife with her wouldn't be so bad. I don't want her to cancel her trip just because of me not going, do I?
My SIL (Yang Gemma) suffers from stroke and breast cancer (late stage). We first came to know about the stroke, 2 days after Aidilfitri 2003. Yang (my brother, his name is Rosli) was sobbing on the phone, and he related how Yang gemma collapsed at their home and was found by a neighbour. (Yang runs an oriental grocery store in Carbondale, Illinois) was not home, while their only daughter, Monah was at school. She was at first could not move, her speech blurred, and now Alhamdulillah is recovering, and when I last talked to her on the phone, she sounds okay. In 2005, whe was diagnosed with breast cancer, and only Allah knows, how painful it was just to hear the news. She had to go through so much, and Yang too, I know is also suffering.
And what we, the so-called relatives/siblings do? Nothing much!
I have to confess that I wasn’t a good sister when she needed me most, though. No wonder she was (and still is )so upset with me. Thus came the plan to go and see her and make up for the lost time. I owed her so much, you see. She played a big part in my growing up years, not the toddler-junior-school years, but from my teenage (after SPM) years till I became a young woman. (now 33 yrs old, dah veteran..)
But it seems that all the plans that I made and all the nervousness and enthusiasm to come face-to-face with her just dissapreared as DH wouldn’t be able to come home from Khartoum on the weeks that I was supposed to go on the trip. I cannot imagie leaving both Umar and Lutfil just with Bibik, eventhough they can stay at one of my brothers’ houses. So, it’s better not go this time, again, despite all the expenses that have been spent. Mungkin ada hikmah disebaliknya, who knows we could go some other time? Rezeki durian runtuh ke?
To Yang Gemma, maybe you thought that I have forgoten all about you, but, I actually think of you all the time and just wish that I could go and see you. I am not good at words, but you know I love you dearly..
the tickets for myself and Lutfil have been bought, and it's not refundable, (fixed tickets, bought during Matta Fair late last year), maybe she feels more confortable having me to take care of her. Well, my first brother (Abang Pa) and his wife are also going there, but it's not the same as having your own daughter with you, I guess. I just assured her everything will be okay, and having just Abang Pa and wife with her wouldn't be so bad. I don't want her to cancel her trip just because of me not going, do I?
My SIL (Yang Gemma) suffers from stroke and breast cancer (late stage). We first came to know about the stroke, 2 days after Aidilfitri 2003. Yang (my brother, his name is Rosli) was sobbing on the phone, and he related how Yang gemma collapsed at their home and was found by a neighbour. (Yang runs an oriental grocery store in Carbondale, Illinois) was not home, while their only daughter, Monah was at school. She was at first could not move, her speech blurred, and now Alhamdulillah is recovering, and when I last talked to her on the phone, she sounds okay. In 2005, whe was diagnosed with breast cancer, and only Allah knows, how painful it was just to hear the news. She had to go through so much, and Yang too, I know is also suffering.
And what we, the so-called relatives/siblings do? Nothing much!
I have to confess that I wasn’t a good sister when she needed me most, though. No wonder she was (and still is )so upset with me. Thus came the plan to go and see her and make up for the lost time. I owed her so much, you see. She played a big part in my growing up years, not the toddler-junior-school years, but from my teenage (after SPM) years till I became a young woman. (now 33 yrs old, dah veteran..)
But it seems that all the plans that I made and all the nervousness and enthusiasm to come face-to-face with her just dissapreared as DH wouldn’t be able to come home from Khartoum on the weeks that I was supposed to go on the trip. I cannot imagie leaving both Umar and Lutfil just with Bibik, eventhough they can stay at one of my brothers’ houses. So, it’s better not go this time, again, despite all the expenses that have been spent. Mungkin ada hikmah disebaliknya, who knows we could go some other time? Rezeki durian runtuh ke?
To Yang Gemma, maybe you thought that I have forgoten all about you, but, I actually think of you all the time and just wish that I could go and see you. I am not good at words, but you know I love you dearly..
Monday, March 5, 2007
my latest addition on the shelves
Was I glad! I bought myself a book, a great book.
It contains the list of favourite books from 125 writers all around the world, (well mainly Americans and british ;-)).
I would admit that I just love lists. I was given a book called
“The Book Of List”. It was kind of old, and am looking in some websites if they carry the same title , but with newer versions , of course.
It had all sorts of lists, and I’m glad that I have it in my collection.
It contains the list of favourite books from 125 writers all around the world, (well mainly Americans and british ;-)).
I would admit that I just love lists. I was given a book called
“The Book Of List”. It was kind of old, and am looking in some websites if they carry the same title , but with newer versions , of course.
It had all sorts of lists, and I’m glad that I have it in my collection.
Friday, March 2, 2007
amuse me..
Any books by Dr. Seuss, aka Theodor Geisel, are such pleasures to read. It amused me (other adults included), the children, not just mine, but millions of children around the world. This great writer/illustrator, would have been 103 years old today. The funny rhymes and whimsical characters, that were the best ingredients that are the main attraction to the readers. Gosh, I think I enjoyed and cherished his books more than my children do.Oh , and yes, I do hope (and pray hard) that the 3 kids will grow up as book lovers, and avid readers. Please, please, please…
Oh yes, gaji tak masuk lagi, and I’m already thinking of going to Kinokuniya and getting me new books. That will kill the time, sigh..
Thursday, March 1, 2007
stay on your island, don't let me in..
bila mata dah layu..he was like thinking of something
him: umar tak nak kawan cikgu *****
me: kenapa?
him:cikgu ***** tak bagi umar coklat, dia cubit Umar sebab Umar main panjat pintu, macam ni..( panjat grill tingkap)
mim: kan tu bahaya, sebab tu cikgu cubit , lain kali Umar dengar cakap cikgu, okay? nanti cikgu tak marah lagi..
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(The mention about this particular cikgu always gives me an uneasy feelings. Somehow, of all the teachers there, she is the only one who, I find, not unconfortable to speak with, she avoids eye-contact, no smiles, no “Hi, or Salam” when I drop or pick up my son.
Thank god she is not Umar’s class teacher, but still she was there all the time and I freak everytime I saw her car parked in the porch at the centre. I am thinking of getting him out of the center, cause I feel that if he’s sad/sombre about his teachers, it will do him more harm.
I don’t want anybody, especially his teacher(s), to make him feel bad, and lower his self –esteem. I just don’t feel that it’s right. Teachers (besides parents) should be the ones to direct children to healthy ways of being themselves, bring out the best in every child, nurture them,
educate, guide them as opposed to physically punishing them ( tarik telinga as a punishment for the child yang tarik telinga anak2 lain, cubit perut, etc), as opposed to causing griefs ..
---------------------------------------------------------------
me: umar nak tidur, nak ibu tepuk yea?
him: umar tak kawan ibu, tadi ibu marah.
(Flashback: he , as always would stand on a chair, at our kitchen counter top, one hand in the fish bowl, the other supporting his body because he needs to bend over the counter top in order to do so .
He was just about to move the fish bowl, into the sink after complaining how dirty the water was, and that it needed to be changed. And guess who's the best person he thinks who should do it? No prizes for guessing!)
At that moment, I saw him and warned him that he might have caused
the tiles to be very, very wet and that is a potential hazard (QHSE term!) to everybody. You get the picture; hazard sebab org boleh jatuh, or Hafiz akan memainkan air yg tumpah dengan jarinya dengan girangnya, dan menerbitkan perasaan ingin merasa air itu..)
me: ibu marah sebab nanti bahaya, kalau air tumpah nanti lantai licin..
him : tapi kalau tumpah ke dalam sinki-nya, tak apa.
Sinkinya tu, kan tak tumpah ( he loves the word ‘nya’), kan tak basah.
me: yela, tapi kan berat, sebab tu boleh tumpah, kan?
him: hmm..tapi umar tak kawan ibu, umar kawan ayah aje..
(is he actually missing Ayah, though he never asks about Ayah, but would mention
me: kenapa?
him:cikgu ***** tak bagi umar coklat, dia cubit Umar sebab Umar main panjat pintu, macam ni..( panjat grill tingkap)
mim: kan tu bahaya, sebab tu cikgu cubit , lain kali Umar dengar cakap cikgu, okay? nanti cikgu tak marah lagi..
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(The mention about this particular cikgu always gives me an uneasy feelings. Somehow, of all the teachers there, she is the only one who, I find, not unconfortable to speak with, she avoids eye-contact, no smiles, no “Hi, or Salam” when I drop or pick up my son.
Thank god she is not Umar’s class teacher, but still she was there all the time and I freak everytime I saw her car parked in the porch at the centre. I am thinking of getting him out of the center, cause I feel that if he’s sad/sombre about his teachers, it will do him more harm.
I don’t want anybody, especially his teacher(s), to make him feel bad, and lower his self –esteem. I just don’t feel that it’s right. Teachers (besides parents) should be the ones to direct children to healthy ways of being themselves, bring out the best in every child, nurture them,
educate, guide them as opposed to physically punishing them ( tarik telinga as a punishment for the child yang tarik telinga anak2 lain, cubit perut, etc), as opposed to causing griefs ..
---------------------------------------------------------------
me: umar nak tidur, nak ibu tepuk yea?
him: umar tak kawan ibu, tadi ibu marah.
(Flashback: he , as always would stand on a chair, at our kitchen counter top, one hand in the fish bowl, the other supporting his body because he needs to bend over the counter top in order to do so .
He was just about to move the fish bowl, into the sink after complaining how dirty the water was, and that it needed to be changed. And guess who's the best person he thinks who should do it? No prizes for guessing!)
At that moment, I saw him and warned him that he might have caused
the tiles to be very, very wet and that is a potential hazard (QHSE term!) to everybody. You get the picture; hazard sebab org boleh jatuh, or Hafiz akan memainkan air yg tumpah dengan jarinya dengan girangnya, dan menerbitkan perasaan ingin merasa air itu..)
me: ibu marah sebab nanti bahaya, kalau air tumpah nanti lantai licin..
him : tapi kalau tumpah ke dalam sinki-nya, tak apa.
Sinkinya tu, kan tak tumpah ( he loves the word ‘nya’), kan tak basah.
me: yela, tapi kan berat, sebab tu boleh tumpah, kan?
him: hmm..tapi umar tak kawan ibu, umar kawan ayah aje..
(is he actually missing Ayah, though he never asks about Ayah, but would mention
occasionally like; ‘nanti ayah beli.., or nanti pergi dengan ayah,..etc)
Anyway, yang pentingnya, at the end, we are at peace , kissed him on both cheeks, he did the same to me, and we hugged.
Kesian anak-anakku!
Anyway, yang pentingnya, at the end, we are at peace , kissed him on both cheeks, he did the same to me, and we hugged.
Kesian anak-anakku!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
